Tuesday, February 28, 2012
When God Made Woman
By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have 200 moveable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped
knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands."
The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No way!" said the Angel.
The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that woman must have!" "And that's just on the standard model?" the Angel asked. The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows.
Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know, even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands
and loves him or her without even saying a single word."
The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish!" "But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick and can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."
The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft" the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the Angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."
The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model....I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak." The Lord objected. "That's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the Angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."
The Angel was impressed, "You are a genius, Lord. "You thought of everything, for WOMEN are truly amazing."