My name is Pride. I am a cheater. I cheat you of your God-given destiny...because you demand your own way. I cheat you of contentment...because you "deserve better than this." I cheat you of knowledge...because you already know it all. I cheat you of healing...because you're too full of me to forgive. I cheat you of holiness...because you refuse to admit when you're wrong. I cheat you of vision...because you'd rather look in the mirror than out a window. I cheat you of genuine friendship...because nobody's going to know the real you. I cheat you of love...because real romance demands sacrifice. I cheat you of greatness in heaven...because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth. I cheat you of God's glory...because I convince you to seek your own. My name is Pride. …..I am a cheater. You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you……UNTRUE. God has so much for you, I admit. But don't worry...If you stick with me, you'll never know. ~ Author Unknown
Pride
goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. {Proverbs
16:18} When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes
wisdom.{Proverbs 11:2
Whether we want to realize it or not, we are
our sister's keeper. Especially as women of God. It is our
responsibility to cover each other in prayer, inspire and encourage one
another, and help one another along this journey through life. None
of us can make it alone. I'm sure there have been times in your life
where if it had not been for a sister in corner, you would not have made
it through a rough time in your life. So why not be that same support
for another sister. We should have such Godly love for our sisters that
we feel compelled to continuously cover one another in prayer. Ladies,
we are our sister's keeper. Let's lift, support, encourage, and love one
another. We all need one another.
Let us Pray.....
Heavenly Father, We thank You so much for giving us love in a variety of
forms from family relationships to friendships. We pray right now that
our hearts will be open to Your Will for our lives. We ask that those
who are seeking Godly friendships will learn how to cultivate those
relationships so You will be glorified. We ask that You give each woman a
spirit of discernment so we know when the enemy tries to play on our
emotions and insecurities. We pray for wholeness and completeness in
You, for in that we have no need to compare. Let us be our sister’s
keeper and protect her and pray for her and stand in the gap and lift
her up in times of need, Rejoice with her, cry with her and celebrate
each others gifts and talents. We thank You in advance. In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
A few months ago, and now during the 13 days of fasting, as
I was reading the book of Esther, the Holy Spirit ministered to me about the
life of Vashti. I pondered as to what possessed her to behave the way she did
that caused her to loose her royalty and the abundance that came with it. As I
continued to read the whole chapter 1, not once, not twice but several times my
spirit was moved and I knew God was trying to show me what Vashti was hiding
from everyone but that ONLY God saw.God has
a way to reveal many things that we also hide from the world, but not to harm
or cause us shame, but to release us from bondage that keeps us from being the
Esther he intended for us to be. The
more I went back to read chapter 1, the more revelation I received by the Holy
Spirit. As I pictured her life, I imaged that she also had to go through a
process of beautification, the bible speaks that she was beautiful, pleasant to
the eyes of men and even women. She was given power and authority to rule over
the maidservants and over all who served in the palace, she played an important
role – she was The Queen, the First Lady. I imagined she was envied by many
women who had wished to be in her position. I imagined her constantly being
praised and honored, commented about her outer beauty, her clothes, her
jewelry, her royal crown.{Charm is deceitful,
and beauty is vain, Proverbs 31:30} Everyone was in a her beg and
call, what ever Queen Vashti wanted, Queen Vashti received.
I want to add in my own opinion; Vashti was not only
beautiful but was also very good in hiding her past. I could imagine that she
wanted to start a new life and leave her past behind and maybe her intentions
were pure and wanted to bring hope to other women who must have been where she
was in her past before becoming a Queen, but she lost herself in all this attention
and being in the spotlight and that was what cost her, her downfall.
My point of view as I understand it, Queen Vashti became
conceited, arrogant, self-seeker, self-centered {adds up to}The
Spirit of PRIDE – {Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace}
following along the spirit of pride was The
Spirit of DISOBEDIENT- {See how each of you
is following the stubbornness of his evil heart instead of obeying me. Jeremiah
16:12} she was rebellious and
refused to respect and obey the kings orders and refuse to submit to authority
and also added The Spirit of
DIVISION, { Proverbs 6:19 A false witness who breathes out lies, and one
who sows discord among brothers. }she caused strife and gossip
among the women she associated with. It
seems to me that Vashti was a very bitter
woman, she must of carried a lot of anger from her past that eventually exposed
itself and rejected the role that was expected from her, unfortunately for her the
outcome of her decisions caused her to be replaced and banned from every coming
in front of the king.
Reflecting on the decisions that caused the lost of Vashti
role as a queen, I saw that very reflection in my life, the things that were
hidden within Vashti was also hidden within me and God was exposingthose very things that kept me in
bondage.He needed me to understand that
he could not use me until I was set free from the very bondage that made Vashti
loose her royal place in the kingdom. Not everyone would admit to this because
of shame and being judge, but in order to be fully set free, the lies and
hidden ugliness has to be exposed, for then true freedom will manifest the beauty within.
Each of us as woman has had and will have to face the
consequences of our decisions and those actions that come with hidden
intentions.To me, all these hidden agendas
almost cost me my marriage, my family and friends, I was removed from ministry,
lost the trust of my spiritual parents, but I thank God that I had to go
through this painful journey in order for God to bring me to a place of
submission to Him and to those under authority and with true obedience and most
of all become a GOD pleaser, not a people pleaser. {We must obey God rather than men! Acts 5:29}
This wakeup call taught me to surrender, accept, repent and live with
transparency with everyone.{ Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey
it, and repent. (Revelation 3:3 } Preparing and keeping myself
always under the full armor of GOD, praying and interceding at all time,
equipping myself with the Word of God to discern what is and what is not of
GOD. Feeding my spirit, protecting and
guarding what has been deposited in me by God and allowing the Holy Spirit to
guide me into the front lines of this spiritual warfare that is going on right
now in the spiritual realms, knowing that at any given time, the enemy will
come and vomit his unpleasant lies and will distort the Word of God and use it
against the purpose of God in my life, my marriage, my children and to the
ministry I will soon serve in.I thank
God for his Grace, his Love, and his Mercy. I now can say I am walking in true
Freedom,and in order for me to continue
to walk in true freedom, I have to keep myself under the mantle of humility and
continue to keep God the Center of my Life. {Proverbs 22:4 Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth
and honor and life.}
Heavenly Father, I thank you for Your Good News, which has
freed me from the bondage of sin and ignorance. Let Your constant Word be the
sword and armor in my life. Amen.
Dear
Heavenly Father, in the precious name of Jesus, I come before You
humbled yet boldly, asking, that you bless each and every woman who is
reading this right now. I thank you Lord for your Grace and Mercy and
your Kindness, I thank you Heavenly Father for placing this in my heart
because I see the need to pray for each of us today. I ask in your name
Jesus that you keep your hedge of protection
surrounding every woman who read my blog page and her family, and I ask
that you continue to use ME as your vessel for the mighty works you have
in store for ME and your kingdom.
I ask that whatever
strongholds are upon any of us today be released in the NAME of Jesus, I
ask that Yokes be broken and hearts be healed. Father, You know every
situation and circumstance we face today in our lives and I declare that
Your women of God will put their faith into action, by putting Your
Word on each and every trial and test they face. You are the author and
finisher of our faith Lord. I speak now into the atmosphere that every
woman is victorious, delivered, and set free from all hindrances sent
from the pit of hell to keep us distracted from the call You placed on
our lives, in the name of Jesus! I ask Father that you bless each and
every woman on here today from the crowns of their heads to the soles of
their feet.
I ask you heavenly Father that you continue to
guide us in whatever needs that we ask of you today, I ask Father that
you give us strength in the areas of our lives that we feel we can press
no longer in. I ask that you show FAVOR upon each and everyone of us
today and from this point on in our lives. Father, I pray for increase
in the areas of intimacy with you, impartation of your word to us,
implantation of your word in us, and Incarnation of your word in us
forming into your promise. I pray that every sister encourages those
behind them, with them, and in front of them.
I thank you Lord
for placing these words on my heart to say today and give you
reference. I pray that this touches the heart of someone today that may
not know you; I pray that this may touch someone’s heart that does know
you but are going through some trials. I know Father you take us through
trials and tribulations only to bring us out and make us stronger and
elevate us to our next level in you! Father, continue to reveal the way
of the virtuous woman that you have called us to be in Jesus’ name I
pray and say it is done and I thank You Lord for the manifestation of
it! Amen
As I ponder
and look back in my life, I must say it has been a very fascinating adventure
full of happiness, joy, sadness, lots of tears, painful times but yet some I
rather keep in my box of memories I have treasured throughout my life. But of
course, it is only the happy moments of my life that I keep. I like to keep
those happy moments because they are the ones that keep my hope alive. Hope is the very essence that feeds my faith
and it nurtures my heart to believe that happiness does exist all around me. I
have learned that you create your own happiness even in the midst of pain, pain
of losing someone you loved, a relationship gone bad, ending a friendship, at
least for me I had lots of happy moment and those are the ones I decided to treasure
up, did you notice I said “decided” because I made the decision to keep the
happy memories to avoid filling my heart
with hate and bitterness and carry the pain that weight me down for so
many years, at first it wasn’t easy, but with much determination I decided to
free myself and accept the good times and
release the bad and that gave me a fulfilling sense of peace that lets me enjoy
the happiness that I created in my heart and it flows from my mind to my entire
being.
Keeping the happy memories also fills me with much contentment to live
the now; allowing the happy memories to outweigh the bad gives me a sense of
freedom to be able to enjoy my life to the fullest. It helps me to keep my mind
free from bondage, it keeps my heart young and it lets my spirit dance to every
beat of my heart releasing within me peace and joy that overflows with the
unexplainable feelings that keeps me young and strong.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
As I sit
here to sort my mind in hopes to align it with my heart, I wondered if I ever
really knew the man I fell in love with.The man that came into my life unexpected and did everything he had to
do to win my heart. Before this man came along, I had built walls and barriers
on every side of my heart to guard myself against the lies that lived behind
those walls from men who preyed over the vulnerability and innocence of a woman
that had so much to give and offer of herself.A woman that dreamed and hoped that one day, a man will come and repair
her broken pieces of her heart and seal them together and make it whole again
with his tender hands, touch and love. A man that knew of her past and swore
never to break her heart and live that fairy tale life of love conquers all,
for better or for worst, for richer or poorer, till death do us part. The dream
of every woman of all ages, that was my dream, my desires and my hope and along
came this man who I refuse to let in, because of the very thing that I feared became
a dreadful reality.
He
persuaded, he insisted, he persevered, he challenged himself to win my heart at
all cost, but I ask God now, what was the real reason for him to challenged
himself to win over my heart and then destroy the very thing he worked so hard
to win?Was it the challenge of his ego,
his pride or his anger to get back to a woman from a pain and unfaithfulness that
was caused from another woman from his past? Was I an intended target? Was it
all being mastered in his mind while he was incarcerated, did he sense my
vulnerability through my letters?Was
this a mission he needed to accomplish to gain back his pride of a heart once
broken?Could someone be so
manipulative, so calculated, so heartless to create the scene of a man out to
conquer happiness and love but all along his heart was full of hate and
vengeance. But his mission was to conquer at all cost and he mastered the
words, the moments, the scenery, he staged it to perfection to win me over.
As time went
by, the walls began to come down, one by one, he gained my trust, he gain
access to my heart and mind and I let my guard down but I didn't realize that I
was being set up to yet another painful chapter of my life. I was in blissful
love, my heart danced with joy; my spirit was floating in clouds. I felt safe
in his arms, Just the touch of his hands made my body shiver, I felt lost in
his eyes, his kiss would weaken me to surrender, he was passionate, I felt
desired, loved, he took me to a place where I felt overpowered by his strength.
He woke in me the desire, the passion; the very essence of being loved by such
a man became my obsession. He controlled every inch of my body and soul, just
the smell of his breath in my body would erupt in me an ecstasy of un-explainable pleasure that my body never experienced. The desires within me
needed to feel and smell this man who had taken control of my every being. All
my senses seems to be control by him, he became an addiction. He became to me
the blood that flowed through my veins and kept my heart beating to keep me alive.I needed him as an addict needed
a quick fix. I was a love puppet being controlled by her master Puppet. I
thought that my dreams were being fulfilled by this loving, caring, passionate
man. I felt my life was finally complete….
But when I
least expected it, the true identity of this man whose heart was full of pain
and vengeance came at me full force, he became hurtful, spiteful, unresponsive
to my needs, He became cold and he lacked any sensitivity over my feelings, no
remorse of all wrong doing. It was like this man came and took over the life of
the man I fell in love with. He became manipulative, he was intimidating, and
he was hateful, cruel with words and actions. My life became a world of
confusion, a world with unanswered questions, seeking desperately for the man I
loved but with no avail, he was gone forever and he took with him my hopes, my
dreams, my trust and my love. And I
became the victim of this cruel and vengeful man who had control of my mind,
body and soul and I wallowed in despair, in loneliness, in pain and in shame. I
felt I was in the world of darkness and chained to the valley of brokenness and
there scattered I saw my broken dreams, my hopes, my trust, my love, my heart,
my strength, my faith and my self- value.
Days became
weeks, weeks became months and months became eternal in this valley of
darkness. Weakness overcame my strength, shame overtook the confidence and
self-worth I once felt. But one day, I glanced at my broken hope and saw a
light that was transcending from the four corners of this valley of darkness
and the magnificent glory of GOD’s presence broke the chained that had me
shackled into brokenness and brought it all back to life along with me was my
dreams, my faith, my trust, my love and my self-worth were mended
back together.
So, as I
walked out of the valley of darkness, still feeling the sting of the unknown
reasons behind the drastic change of this man that won my heart and love still
lingers unanswered. But as I continue to walk into the light of restoration and
healing, I know one day I will become whole again and understand the reasons
behind this season of my life. I also pray that one day I will be able to trust
and believe again and treasure the very thing that helped me come out of the
valley of darkness is the HOPE that one day I will be fully heal and move on with my life.
The
rain, floods, and tornadoes of our lives will come in many different
forms. But, as the Scripture instructs, nothing should move our "house."
The words of other people – whether good or bad – do not affirm us. The
level of our achievement – whether great or less – does not secure
us. The success of our marriage – whether glorious or disappointing –
does not insure us. And, the memories of our past – whether joyous or
painful – do not define us. The confident woman ... whom we all can be ... knows that her self-assurance comes only from the Word of God.
