It's become the silent emotional killer among women. Women
who are downright mean, malicious and disrespectful with each other. This trend
is creating havoc in our relationships with each other, for it
strikes the core of sisterhood. Real sisterhood can only exist when respect and
trust stand unshakeable. However, what
is most disturbing about our malicious ways is that we are passing on a legacy
of a broken sisterhood to our daughters. Girls that are mean and catty are
usually this way because their
understanding is that this is a normal part of femaleness. They grow up to
become mean and catty women who perpetuate a diseased sisterhood.
To break this cycle we each need to make a conscious effort to validate all
women. Be they our friends or not. Otherwise, we will continue to find
ourselves moving within circles of female hostility,
suspicion, and pain. Here is my list of the most detestable practices that we
need to discontinue in order to heal our sisterhood:
1
. Talking about each other -
You are really not her friend if what you have to say about her is so bad you
can't say it in front of her. If you are a real friend you should be able to
tell her your concerns
for her life to her face. If you have the need to tell others, but you haven't
found the time to tell her – red lights should be flashing. Believe it or not,
gossiping is not an intrinsic part of being female.
Women who gossip do it not because it's a woman-thing, but because they want to
elevate themselves and put other women in a place of inferiority. Gossiping is
just another symptom of deeper insecurities.
2.
Fighting for men – One of
the most undignified things that any woman can do is to fight, argue, or curse
another woman over a man. It's a disgusting trend that used to be a school girl
thing, but today
adult women are doing it too. If both of you are in conflict – because his
choice is not clear - then that means that he's really not into any of you.
He's probably playing both of you. That man really does
not deserve love or attention from either one of you. Let him go.
3.
Joining female Cliques –
Women who make you feel unwelcome and unwanted within their circle of friends
are not to be trusted. Women cliques have become common in the workplace, at
church, in the
neighborhood. Cliques are the dwelling place of insecure women. Women who join
cliques are seeking refuge from their own lack of confidence by cocooning
themselves within this circle of supposed exclusivity. Again, the need to
belong to, or be part of a clique is also a sign of deeper insecurities.
Beware, cliques are usually encouraged and thrive on a type of gang mentality.
4.
Undermining each other –
Beware of any woman who can never celebrate your accomplishments with you. It
could be a new boyfriend, a promotion, an award, a new job, a new acquisition,
weight loss. If she has nothing positive to say to you about it, does not show emotional
support, or chooses to remain silent she is not a true friend. Real friends
know how to recognize and genuinely rejoice for
our successes with pride.
5.
Competing against each other
– You need to get this straight. There will always be another woman with nicer
hair, a more caring husband or boyfriend, better behaved children, a better
paying job, a bigger house, a more fashionable wardrobe – there will always be
some woman with more of what you don't have. Consequently, the only person that
you need to compete against is yourself. Strive to be the best that you can be
- for you. Competing against other women to prove yourself superior is a financial
and emotional drainer. Because of this mindless competition we become mean,
envious and hypocritical. It is pointless.
6.
Disrespecting boundaries –
To survive peacefully every relationship and every friendship must have clear
boundaries. Good relationships operate within margins of respect. Within this
level of respect,
privacy and intimacy are keywords. Yes, you are my friend, but that doesn't
give me the right to walk into your bedroom or your kitchen, unbeknownst to
you, and help myself to your stuff. I don't do this
not because you won't allow me to, but because I respect your privacy and your
things. Consequently, we both need to know and respect each other's levels of
privacy and intimacy.
7.
Crossing boundaries – This
is similar to the above, the only difference is that my respect of your
boundaries should never depend on my friendship with you. We need to respect
women for the simple
fact that they are women. If she is a woman she is a sister. Period. Therefore,
from that understanding I will have the utmost respect for her children, her
man, her opinions, her choices, and for her as a
person. It amazes me how women are quick to disrespect another sister's
boundaries, but feel offended if another woman does to them the same exact
thing. Honestly, that type of inconsistent behavior
can only be credited to some form of mental illness.
8.
Exploiting our friendships
– This is a major one. Why are you friends? Do you only remember her being
around whenever she could get something from you? It doesn't even have to be material.
It could
just be your time or your positive energy. Does she happen to be always on the
receiving side, with you dishing out ton loads of yourself or your stuff? Or is
she your friend because of what you represent? It could be that your husband's
position or yours, your possessions, your talent, whatever, represents some
form of achievement. Is she a friend because that link to you places her on a higher
platform? In a real friendship appreciation, support, and loyalty must be
reciprocal.
By: Norka Blackman-Richards
