I'm Wishing On A Star (part 4)

Silent treatment is a method the abuser uses to 'kill' you for something you have done. In a sense, you have been psychologically 'murdered' by them, but your physical life goes on.

      As time went by and the silent treatment continued to affect their marriage and as any wife who wants to safe her marriage suggested for them to see a marriage counselor. But her husband refused and said he didn't have a problem and in turn blamed her for their rocky marriage and threaten to leave her if she would ask again. Several months went by and still, he seemed to think that everything was A-ok! But of course - it was his way or the silent treatment! After going through years of emotional depression, she started to feel anger towards her husband. She would wait for hours in the living-room for him to fall asleep and than she would lay next to him and would think; 'who is this intruder?" My God, who- is- this- man!! She didn't know him anymore, even his touch was different, his kisses didn't feel right, she avoided at all cost to have intimacy with him, everything about him would sicken her but part of her still loved him and wanted to save her marriage.

      Mr. Charming was so sure of his wife's love and devotion but nothing could have prepared him for what was coming to him. One day she looked out her window and there he was, talking on his cell phone inside his car, she hid behind the curtains and waited and waited and waited, after thirty minutes, he went upstairs. She was infuriated, she had no time to control her emotions, this time she didn't wait for him to use his keys, she opened the door for him and with a tone of voice that he NEVER heard her speak, " WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO FOR THIRTY MINUTES OVER THE PHONE!!!" Surprised, he looked at her and said; Be careful how you raise your voice at me!!! and walked away from her, she proceeded to follow him and scream from the top of her lungs demanding for him to answer her and he said to her, "if you continue, I will pack up and go!"  She turned around walked towards the door, opened it and said ...Don't let the door hit you from behind!!! Never expecting her reaction and response, he looked to her and paused for a few minutes but of course his pride took over and he walked out the door. She slammed the door and threw herself in bed and cried the whole night. 

      Morning arrived and she called out from work. Feeling all sorts of emotions, she sat down and looked around and saw all the pictures of the happy moments she spent with her Prince Charming, but she knew deep within her that is all she was ever gonna have. She use to love her husband with all that she was; even when she was angry at him or even when she was hurt by him, but her love stopped during the last episode or maybe the one before, she couldn't remember when her heart shut off the love valve. Maybe is was a gradual thing, no matter what-- the love was gone and this current episode just made her commit to not going back into the relationship. It was to late to fix what was already broken. She cried a little bit more, composed herself and went into the closet and pulled out his luggage and lay it on the bed and started to pack his belongings. This time as she walked pass the mirror, the woman looking back at her was stronger, more determined to take back her identity and self worth. She knew she was going to survive and move on. When she was done packing up all his stuff, she sat down and started to write him a letter......

Dear Prince Charming, 

I remember the night as I was strolling in the park, I wished upon a star to be found by my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. I believed in fairy tales, I believed in love and I believed in You. I trusted every word you spoke when you profess your love and promises on our wedding day. As time went by, little by little you broke all your promises. In the first year, when you first pulled the silent treatment, the more I wanted to fix it. I noticed how you would get such a satisfaction watching me squirm to try to get your attention and speak to me. It was like a real EGO Boost for you. The more control you had,  the less I had; I was sinking deeper into low self esteem, depression and lots of anxieties. The worst part of it all was when you were ready to break the silence, you would start talking like nothing was ever wrong, you ignored the problems and kept up a front. With you, there was no rhyme or reason, it could of happen at any time and it would go on for days, weeks or months and your rages were mind boggling and yes to me that was a punishment. A loving and caring husband does not give his wife a silent treatment. A loving husband listens, communicates and respond back and engage and participate in conversations, even if they disagree; they still treat their wife with respect. The silent treatment is never about love. There is a saying that the worst thing you can do to someone is not hate them but to be "totally indifferent" to them. If you hate them at least you care enough to hate them. But when you are indifferent to them you really DO NOT CARE at all. Abuse is Abuse. And abuse is never ok. In one way though, the silent treatment is far worse than other forms of abuse, because it indirectly says to you that you are not a person, you are an object, you are invisible because they choose to make you so because you are not worthy of their time. THAT is one of the most hurtful and abusive things to do to another human being. It is a horrible feeling, being ignored and denied affection. To me it was an emotional abuse instead of physical abusive and even worse because there were no scars that can be seen by an outside observer. And that is what you did to me for years. So, how does one reason with someone like you? but I am convinced that the truth is- you can not reason or gain any ground with you and your actions.  It is a "no win " situation and I won't waste anymore of my life trying to make it work. Unfortunately, the “silent treat” became our “marriage killer” it sabotaged what could have been an amazing marriage.  So, with all this said I just want you to know that I am moving forward alone and the best part about it is - I WILL SURVIVE!!

Sincerely and relieved 

Cinderella

I will Survive- Gloria Gaynor

Written by Maribel Castillo

August 12, 2013