Monday, August 12, 2013

I'm Wishing On A Star (part 4)

Silent treatment is a method the abuser uses to 'kill' you for something you have done. In a sense, you have been psychologically 'murdered' by them, but your physical life goes on.

      As time went by and the silent treatment continued to affect their marriage and as any wife who wants to safe her marriage suggested for them to see a marriage counselor. But her husband refused and said he didn't have a problem and in turn blamed her for their rocky marriage and threaten to leave her if she would ask again. Several months went by and still, he seemed to think that everything was A-ok! But of course - it was his way or the silent treatment! After going through years of emotional depression, she started to feel anger towards her husband. She would wait for hours in the living-room for him to fall asleep and than she would lay next to him and would think; 'who is this intruder?" My God, who- is- this- man!! She didn't know him anymore, even his touch was different, his kisses didn't feel right, she avoided at all cost to have intimacy with him, everything about him would sicken her but part of her still loved him and wanted to save her marriage.

      Mr. Charming was so sure of his wife's love and devotion but nothing could have prepared him for what was coming to him. One day she looked out her window and there he was, talking on his cell phone inside his car, she hid behind the curtains and waited and waited and waited, after thirty minutes, he went upstairs. She was infuriated, she had no time to control her emotions, this time she didn't wait for him to use his keys, she opened the door for him and with a tone of voice that he NEVER heard her speak, " WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO FOR THIRTY MINUTES OVER THE PHONE!!!" Surprised, he looked at her and said; Be careful how you raise your voice at me!!! and walked away from her, she proceeded to follow him and scream from the top of her lungs demanding for him to answer her and he said to her, "if you continue, I will pack up and go!"  She turned around walked towards the door, opened it and said ...Don't let the door hit you from behind!!! Never expecting her reaction and response, he looked to her and paused for a few minutes but of course his pride took over and he walked out the door. She slammed the door and threw herself in bed and cried the whole night. 

      Morning arrived and she called out from work. Feeling all sorts of emotions, she sat down and looked around and saw all the pictures of the happy moments she spent with her Prince Charming, but she knew deep within her that is all she was ever gonna have. She use to love her husband with all that she was; even when she was angry at him or even when she was hurt by him, but her love stopped during the last episode or maybe the one before, she couldn't remember when her heart shut off the love valve. Maybe is was a gradual thing, no matter what-- the love was gone and this current episode just made her commit to not going back into the relationship. It was to late to fix what was already broken. She cried a little bit more, composed herself and went into the closet and pulled out his luggage and lay it on the bed and started to pack his belongings. This time as she walked pass the mirror, the woman looking back at her was stronger, more determined to take back her identity and self worth. She knew she was going to survive and move on. When she was done packing up all his stuff, she sat down and started to write him a letter......

Dear Prince Charming, 

I remember the night as I was strolling in the park, I wished upon a star to be found by my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. I believed in fairy tales, I believed in love and I believed in You. I trusted every word you spoke when you profess your love and promises on our wedding day. As time went by, little by little you broke all your promises. In the first year, when you first pulled the silent treatment, the more I wanted to fix it. I noticed how you would get such a satisfaction watching me squirm to try to get your attention and speak to me. It was like a real EGO Boost for you. The more control you had,  the less I had; I was sinking deeper into low self esteem, depression and lots of anxieties. The worst part of it all was when you were ready to break the silence, you would start talking like nothing was ever wrong, you ignored the problems and kept up a front. With you, there was no rhyme or reason, it could of happen at any time and it would go on for days, weeks or months and your rages were mind boggling and yes to me that was a punishment. A loving and caring husband does not give his wife a silent treatment. A loving husband listens, communicates and respond back and engage and participate in conversations, even if they disagree; they still treat their wife with respect. The silent treatment is never about love. There is a saying that the worst thing you can do to someone is not hate them but to be "totally indifferent" to them. If you hate them at least you care enough to hate them. But when you are indifferent to them you really DO NOT CARE at all. Abuse is Abuse. And abuse is never ok. In one way though, the silent treatment is far worse than other forms of abuse, because it indirectly says to you that you are not a person, you are an object, you are invisible because they choose to make you so because you are not worthy of their time. THAT is one of the most hurtful and abusive things to do to another human being. It is a horrible feeling, being ignored and denied affection. To me it was an emotional abuse instead of physical abusive and even worse because there were no scars that can be seen by an outside observer. And that is what you did to me for years. So, how does one reason with someone like you? but I am convinced that the truth is- you can not reason or gain any ground with you and your actions.  It is a "no win " situation and I won't waste anymore of my life trying to make it work. Unfortunately, the “silent treat” became our “marriage killer” it sabotaged what could have been an amazing marriage.  So, with all this said I just want you to know that I am moving forward alone and the best part about it is - I WILL SURVIVE!!

Sincerely and relieved 

I will Survive- Gloria Gaynor

Written by Maribel Castillo
August 12, 2013


  1. ok, Maribel - This is what it's all about ....I loved all 4 of your chapters, but i loved more the 4th - is unfortunate that many women are not strong enough to walk out and survive. My mom was one of them that lived all her life being tormented by the silent treatment of my dad. she was very unhappy and stayed with my father because that is what the church demanded. But the word of God never states a woman should be abused or let alone be mistreated. I wish my mother was alive to be able to read this because she would exactly how it was to live in that abuse. Thank you for sharing and I hope that many woman will be brave enough to walk out or seek help to be free from this kind of abuse. May God continue to bless you and help you fulfill your dreams - You are bless, my blogg friend - Peaches

  2. OMGeeee how did you know that I lived the exact hell. I want to call it that becuz it sure felt like it. The letter was great and I felt like cinderella relieved to get out of that relationship. I still have problems coping with trusting a man but I thank God I finally am free. I attend a support group in the hospital I work at. Thank you for sharing this story. lydia

  3. My friend called me up and said I just sent you a blog read it. I was in tears as I read it. A year ago I had a nervous breakdown for the mental abuse I received from my husband. My family moved me out and I am now living with my sister in Rhode Island. Im have been going to counseling and I am feeling stronger and hope to one day have complete healing thank you for this story. I really like it. restoring in r.i. tabatha

  4. Hi Maribel. I also lived in an abusive relationship similar to your story. My case also was physically abuse. I had to hide out until I felt safe enough finally after years living in fear I met my husband which is the total opposite of my x. He is loving and caring. It took me a long time to trust again but I thank God for husband. We are now married 5 years and life couldn't be better. I pray that all the women affected by any kind of abuse can find healing and know that all men are not the same. Thank you for your story. Ada

  5. Good Morning Maribel, my name is Harold and they call me for short Harry. My fiance sent me your blog and told me to read it. lol - I felt a bit uncomfortable because it relates more to women- which is a good thing but I am man. I went through a similar situation but I was the victim of this silent treatment abuse and absolutely it is abuse. This woman took every bit of my manhood and turned it into the most painful and embarrassing time of my life. I lost many nights of sleep wondering how can a beautiful woman be so evil. What was hidden inside of her was the most ugly monster I ever encountered. I lived like this for over 2 years and it just was not working out. I am relieved that my mother saw right through and said - Harry, there is just something about this girl - hold off on marrying her until you get to know her better. Thank God for mother's intuition. It took me awhile to really get over those words and her behavior of this woman to ever trust another one again. I didn't seek counseling from man, but I did seek counseling from God. That was the best and most rewarding counseling I ever received. I now am in engaged with the most loving woman inside and out. As a man I feel for all the women that had to travel this road and for all the men out there that are going through this - if your partner does not want to seek help than help yourself and leave and never look back. Thank you Maribel for looking out for other women and I also pray that both men/women can understand that effect that any kind of abuse does to the other party. May God continue to bless my sister and may the favor of God be in your writings. - Harry

  6. Oh my sister !!! what does God have in store for you!!! Praise the living God !!! I say to you - there are those that will be against you and those that will be for you. Embrace it and Let God lead the way !! Do not fear !! Do not get discouraged !! for GREATER is HE, who lives within YOU than- he who is sent by the enemy!! Remove all doubt and hear God cry out - Behold, I am doing something NEW !!! God Bless You and and that God cover you and protect and allow all those to see the greater thing God is doing through you in reaching out - those living in the wilderness.
    Your sister in Christ - Esther

  7. Maribel, continue to be obedient to the word of God! You're a jewel that has been pressure treated for an everlasting shine. I was that man at one point in my life and never understood the pain and torture I put my wife through. As I read your thoughts it took me back to those dark days when my wife uttered the same words. By the grace of God and his mercy we are still married and I thank God every day.

    My silence has now turned into thankfulness and a cry for God to hear my voice.

    Sister there are great thing to come-Owen

  8. Good afternoon my beautiful sis!!may the lord continue to be ur hands while u r being encouraged to write about ur story.i know that ur testimony will touch many who r going through similar situations and even those who r not,as u will continue to write the enemy will continue to try and distract,there is purpose behind this all,i pray that the lord will continue to protect u with his shield,u must put the full armor and stand firm,there is a big wave coming that will move u in such a way,no one or better yet not even u will know how u got moved!jesus is in the center of ur life,may u continue to reach the save and unsaved,the lost and the found in jesus name!

  9. Ms. Maribel - in the all the years that I know you, never would I have thought you to write and move me the way your writing does. It is not script, nor is it rehearsed - This is your heart - This is your life and My God - God is good!! I remembered the times that we lived in the streets, hungry and I remembered how some of your friends would look at you from the corner of their eyes - I remember your tears and the pain of being accused of things you never did. I read you life now and I am blessed and that gives me more desire to know your GOD!! I am honored to know you and call you friend. You have always been a sister-keepers - You are not perfect, but when you love you love deep and sincere. Again, Ms. Maribel - following your dreams and let your heart speak as your fingers write. Love you as one of your favorite song is: Always and Forever !!

  10. Hi Maribel, I am still emotional reading your story. I can not but express how grateful I am to God to be able to read this at this time. I just want to let you know that I copied some of lines of your letter. I couldn't have put it so clear than how you expressed it. I am now in a relationship that my partner gives me the silent treatment and it is sooooo degrading. I have been a mess for the past 7 months and I am so done with his behavior. I'm out the door!! Let him give some other fool that immature -less of man behavior. I thought I was the only one going through this and I was embarrassed to share it with anyone because I thought it high school behavior, but I see that is something that goes one. Thank you for posting this because I will not give this man another day to abuse me. Walking away - Margie

  11. Good Morning Maribel - God Bless You. I also was living in a horrible relationship where I was not only mentally being abused but physical also. It took me 5 years to realize that this man was not going to change and every time he convinced me that he will change. I didn't know what to expect next. After months of counseling - I got separated and now I am trying to restore what this man did to me for so many years. I wish I could of spoke about this to other women that I know that are living similar situation but I was to ashamed for anyone to know that I put up with it for so long. It silence me also. Many blessings to you - Ivonne