The Silent Treatment

Being ignored causes the same chemical reaction in the brain as being physically hurt

     I had the honor to meet a young woman through my Facebook a few months ago and we went back and forth writing to each other and finally we exchanged numbers. We got to know each other better through phone conversations and finally she felt comfortable enough to share with me her story. (And BTW, she was the one that asked me if I can write about this and I agreed. She calls me her ghostwriter (lol) This is not something I write in my blog, normally my writings are my thoughts, my life experiences and my relationship with God. But, I found this to be an interesting story and the reality of it-this is happening all across the world. This abuse does not exempt anyone, female or male - As I read the comments left in my blog and received comments in my personal email and also in my Facebook inbox, I realized this young woman was not alone, there are many more women/men out there that are going through the same abuse or even worse. It could be the sweet neighbor from across the street; your friendly co-worker; your sister in Christ; Your sister; your best friend; Your mother; or even your father or brother or even your friend in Facebook. I think for many is something that they don't like sharing for whatever reasons; it could be shame or fear of being judged. I had asked  "Cinderella" did you share this with anyone in your family, or your best friend??  Her response to me was, I told one of my sisters and this was her sisters response: what did you do to cause him to treat you like that? hmmmmm.....wrong response!   This caused her to keep silent and never to share with anyone again. How insensitive our words can be at times, we are so judgmental; We are quick to point fingers.  Not everything that happens to us is our fault, but people who know our past seems to judge our current situation from our past instead of really listening and helping out; instead they do more harm than good with insensitive comments. 

     At some point in a male/female relationship, the spouse or significant other may utilize one their favorite secret weapons which is called the "The Silent Treatment" The most common reason that a person uses the silent treatment is to punish the other person for misbehaving. How should someone react and respond to this kind of person? How does anyone determine if this is actually just a 'cooling off" period and not the silent treatment? I believe the silent treatment is a form of torture to someone that they profess to love. People who abuse others by using the silent treatment have learned that it works, so they use it over and over again. It makes the victim more frustrated than any other form of abuse and it allows the abuser to avoid any confrontations, any uncomfortable questions or subjects that they don't want to talk about and it gives them a way to get out of any accountability to their spouse and it is emotionally abusive instead of physically abusive and even worse because there are no scars that can be seen by an outside observer. 

     I, for one knows what it is to be abused, in every shape or form of the word "abuse" so it moves me with compassion for all those that are being abused, it is not a good feeling at all. Thank God that through my relationship with God, he has brought healing and has restored me to be able to share my stories and bring others to find healing in Christ. Healing and restoration does not come over night, it takes time and patience with yourself and most of all forgiveness - You need to learn to forgive those who abused you and forgive yourself for allowing to be abused. That comes hand in hand.    

     Many may not agree with what I wrote but that is ok; because its not about them, it is about doing the will of God. It is about being bold in Christ in helping those who are hurting and can understand what they are going through and lead them to find help. Many cries are being unheard, they are lost and hurting in the wilderness of despair and shame. In the word of God it tells us in Psalm 34:18: There are many of us - not all; God sends out to experience pain of a broken heart and to feel rejected; to know what it is to be hungry, to feel cold and live homeless, all that causes a crushed spirit. But God through all that brings healing and uses it to glorify himself and not man! He uses those very people who pass the test of life to reach out and touch others through his love and compassion.

     I thank God that I was able to meet this young woman and help her in ways that I didn't realize I was.  This young woman is now visiting a local church, received Jesus as her Lord and Savior and went out a bought herself, her first bible (to God be the glory).  She is now hungry to have a relationship with God. She thirsts for him.  It humbles me to receive her texts and asks me to pray for her or when I receive her phone calls when she wants to share with excitement how God spoke to her through his living Word - or when she doesn't understand something, I patiently explain to her what the Holy Spirit reveals to me through Gods word. She still is going through a process but she understands that through her weakness God's strength will help her move forward to the greater things that he has set out for her.  I believe that God is going to use her mighty in a world where many are living the dark secret of the "Silent Treatment"  

     To me, this was something unexpected, I feel honored and humbled that God did not overlook me because of my weaknesses or flaws, but instead used me to steer this young woman and place her in the path that leads to his Heart.  So, for now I will continue to feed myself with the living Word, quench my spirit with the refreshing of his presence as I wait for him to send me out - to my next assignment.   

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying: Whom shall I send? And who will be for us? And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8

Jesus Culture - Where You Go I Go

Written by Maribel Castillo

August 13, 2013